Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! from the letter: I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. I cried and felt so depressed. Fyrebyrd2 I dont have a problem with that. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. If you choose to live in an area known to be frequented by storks then you have no one but yourself to blame if you become a parent. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. iseeshiny Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. Now. lets_be_honest I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). Even if you had a vasectomy. iseeshiny And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. That isnt the case. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right?, And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters.. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. Like being pregnant is easy. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. I mean every word! I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. SpaceySteph pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. The 16 & Pregnant cast member slash Teen Mom 2 firebrand is many things, but she has never been lucky in love. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. I completely agree. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. we are making DW history, here, people!!! You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. Susie is lost. Or you think that landygirl does that? Who the hell else is clicking that button??! BACKFIRES! Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. Welcome to adulthood. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Abandoning a child does. You wouldnt need to administer it. And he has agreed to support the child financially. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. I dont know whats causing all this rancor, RR, but its surely not just the letter. Like getting child support is easy. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. Their choice, honey. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. bittergaymark Steve Kellmeyer He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. Even if you wore a condom. It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. LOL What? Seriously? I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. Both men and women create children. She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Solved. I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Thats true Yankee vernacular. Then the unlikely happens. Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. Addie Pray guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. -Wants nothing to do with his own child. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? . Which is not true. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. He might very well be an immature asshole. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. lets_be_honest iseeshiny They wanted the child and now they want to whine about how hard it is? I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. If your ex moved on before you did, you might feel as if they won or wonder why you didn't find someone else . And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. And not even the most important part. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . Francine Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. He hadnt. He didnt want a baby? Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. Dude, thats seriously out of line. Is that pretty much it? Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. feelingroovy Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Not your body, not your choice. Yes, he had unprotected sex. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). So what? Do you know how much day care alone is a month? He made his position very clear very early on. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. But, you couldnt let him go. No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. Yep. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! April 9, 2012, 12:08 pm. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. Why? am . Youre only asking for heartache down the road. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? Really stupid. female The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Steve Kellmeyer She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you And is this letter for real? April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. John Rohan And fools are welcome to the horror you and your ilk inflict upon them. And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. bittergaymark Steve Kellmeyer April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. female I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. His right to bang someone without protection could end badly and in this case it did. female Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? Babies are malarky. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. It doesnt make sense. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. Women are more easily able to get custody? It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The woman also gets to choose to keep the baby if she wants (even against his wishes), and gets the added benefit of forcing an unwitting and unwilling father into servitude for what is completely and totally her choice by your own admission. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. bittergaymark You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. A Happy Life I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. . In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . You seem too whiny for most womens taste. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. ], Chuck Pelto April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. They should be used. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A 2. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Way to break a young girl's heart. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. But, it would have reduced the chances. His? Men AND women have walked away from children. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. Oh boy. Its believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but thats a myth. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. Whoa whoa whoa this kid should be the most important thing in his life, over her? because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. Youre more than welcome. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. lets_be_honest If its not easy, opt out of it. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Have you noticed how people sometimes own up to having unprotected sex, but its always when they didnt get pregnant? April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. If he didnt want to wear condomwhateverIll even give him the benefit there. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. Is this a valid summary? Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption.